Things to Tell to People When They Say You Drink Too Much Coffee

As T-Swift mused, haters going to hate hate hate hate...hate. Did I get all of the hates in? But it’s okay. You have your cup of joe. Mug of java. Beaker of brewed beans. The love of your life. Yet every now and then, said haters try and tear you apart by saying you have too much coffee. Is that even a thing? Like what is too much? 20 cups? Well, of course we’re not drinking that much (ahem). We would be okay with a staged intervention at this point. But we would still like to let these people know that we know what we’re doing, and it’s going to be okay. Studies are coming out nearly everyday saying that coffee is good for you, and that it’s not stunting your growth and whatnot. Disclaimer: we know that science is ever-changing, you can’t believe everything you hear and blah blah blah. But I digress. The next time your husband–I mean anonymous hater–tries to tell you that you drink too much coffee, keep these not-so-witty comebacks in mind. And, also, just keep telling youself these things as well.


“I still drink plenty of water.” You also might want to add that coffee doesn’t dehydrate you. But, as we know, water is the wonder-working health and beauty elixir that everyone needs. Coffee is the sanity-preserving, jolt-of-life elixir that everyone needs. Let everyone know you need both.

“I practice moderation.” Because as they say, “everything is better in moderation.” I mean, maybe they don’t need to know that you actually drink 5 cups every-now-and-then (or everyday)–which, by the way, isn’t necessarily a bad thing– but if you can maybe bring it down to one or two cups a day? Or nah? Moderation can be relative, so listen to your body, as always.

“I work out.” As we have said before, drinking coffee before your workout helps. Not only does it wake you up mentally, but it jumpstarts your metabolism AND aids endurance. Another thing to add the list entitled "Why I love coffee."

“It’s helping my memory.” Well, this one isn’t *exclusive* to coffee, but a study from Johns Hopkins said that caffeine has shown positive effects on cognitive function, especially as it relates to memory. We’ll take all the help that we can get for that.

“My liver is thanking me.” Apparently, coffee and your liver go together as well as you and coffee. Some magical component in coffee–which we already knew was there–cuts the risk of liver cancer, liver disease, and save your liver. Did you read that? Coffee saves. Let’s get shirts.

“I am proactive in keeping my teeth white.” I would argue that this is the biggest counterpoint used against coffee these days. Um, hello people, have you ever heard of whitening toothpaste? And if that doesn’t work, introduce them to the concept of whitening strips/trays. They even make them for sensitive teeth. New-fangled, I know.

“Did you know that coffee is filled with antioxidants?” So is dark chocolate. Hm, funny how that worked out.


Written while drinking coffee.

Sources: NPR, Shape, Self, Johns Hopkins, and Today

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